An open letter to Nigel Farrage

Dear Nigel,

As a fervent supporter of both you and UKIP, I thought you should know that just this morning, while travelling back through the Channel Tunnel from Europe to England (not the UK), I saw the arm of a black person extend from the car in front and wave some sort of foreign ID card at the Border Agency guard. How did they react? They just let him in! So, the purpose of this note is to alert you to the fact that yet another foreigner has flooded into our country and by the time you read this will probably be claiming benefits, have taken my job and have sold drugs or kidnapped at least one of my eight children.

Please make sure that you add this miscreant to your impressive list of immigration statistics. I thank all that is holy that you were brave enough to alert us to the millions of Romanians and Bulgarians set to flood into our country. They were clearly so embarrassed by having their nefarious plans exposed that they decided not to come. In fact, it appears that 25,000 of them left! Bravo Nigel, you really showed them!

I’m not a racist but this is supposed to be the land of St George (OK, so are Russia and Syria but let’s not go there right now) and I expect English benefits for English people. I’ve had enough of Brussels telling me how to spend my job seekers allowance!

In closing, please let me know if you need help with any of your less developed policies. I feel I may have something to offer on the education front. Perhaps maths, as your party seems to have great difficulty with numbers or maybe even history as you have clearly failed to learn from it.

Tally ho Nigel and see you in Downing Street!


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