Well you live in the f*cking room…..

I hate hotels and given the nature of my job, this is somewhat unfortunate. Every time I stumble in to my irrelevant name, uni-brand, corporate hell hole (Hilton/Marriott/Hyatt) I am afforded time to reflect on the fact that the people who design these places, clearly never stay in them.

The one thing that unites all these places is the standard lamp. Every hotel room has one and it is without exception placed in the furthest corner of the room from the bed. So, after turning in for the evening, you start to fumble with the light switches next to the bed, all of which purport to turn off all the lights in the room. They don’t. You know that and so do I but we all still want to believe.

So, once you’ve turned off as many lights as the bedside switches will allow, guess what’s left? You’ve got it – that f*cking standard lamp! So, in utter jaw breaking frustration, you drag your sorry ass out of bed to go and unplug the recalcitrant piece of sh*t. But, this is where they get you. You totally forget that you are now in the furthest corner of an unfamiliar room, with all other forms of illumination extinguished and upon gleefully yanking the plug from the wall, you are now plunged into total and utter darkness. So now you have to perform the zombie walk back to your bed which pretty much guarantees painful, toe and shin breaking encounters with the needless coffee tables and chairs that hotel designers seem to feel duty bound to fill hotel rooms with.

How about we ditch the irrelevant furniture in favour of light switches that will turn off that damn standard lamp!

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